Winter Beckons Us to Self-Reflect

Winter descends upon us. There is little warmth during the day as the days get shorter and the crisp air demands that we bundle up lest we allow the chilliness to penetrate our bones. All the leaves have fallen, and the sky is grey. Somehow, among this seemingly gloomy backdrop, the season is also aplenty with rituals, commemorations, and holidays. Celebrations are wonderful moments in which we bask in the joys of commemorating traditions. We eat, drink and are merry with friends and family. I, for one, don’t think we celebrate enough.

But there’s something else we don’t do enough of, and that is self-reflection. Self-reflection is the ability to examine our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and evaluate their impact on ourselves and others. Winter is the perfect time to slow down and ponder the shadows of days, and moments, gone by this year.

We can reflect on moments that brought us joy. We can also think of the conflicts, misunderstandings, miscommunications, and challenges we might have had with others this year. And, if we are courageous enough, we can ponder our shortcomings. We tend to avoid self-reflection though because doing so might result in us feeling uncomfortable. We may find ourselves self-criticizing, judging ourselves, or indulging in emotions that just don’t feel good. Indeed, all of those are possible consequences of reflecting upon ourselves when we don’t it correctly.

When done correctly, self-reflection can propel us into a new direction of personal and professional growth because we come to the realization that the ability to change our circumstances is within our power. Perhaps we come to the realization that it is not only others that are contributing to our disappointments and frustrations, but that we, ourselves, are also part of the problem.

There’s a simple formula for conflict and that is X+Y=Conflict. ‘Y’ is the other person in the equation, and ‘X’ is you.  Once we accept the reality that we are part of the equation, we realize then that we are part of the problem, and, in turn, part of the solution. As an Ombuds I often work with individuals navigating interpersonal conflict and some of the biggest shifts that occur happen when individuals accept how they, themselves, are contributing to the conflict. It doesn’t at all excuse or justify the actions and behaviors of the other individual, but self-reflection can help pave the road to resolution because we open ourselves to the possibility that perhaps we could be doing something differently to address the conflict. We can’t control others, but we can control our beliefs, words, and actions.

And so, as the final days of the year approach, now is a great time to not only bundle up and seek the sanctuary of our homes, but to also self-reflect and ponder what we could be in this new year to come.

Here are some questions to get us started on that journey of self-reflection:

  • What are the values that guide my beliefs and actions? What matters to me most?
  • What can I be proud of that I have accomplished this year?
  • Despite those achievements, are there situations, when interacting with others, where I could have done better?
  • Is it possible I may have made some assumptions about others?
  • Were there moments with friends or colleagues, or even complete strangers, where I did not live up to my own values, standards, and expectations?
  • If I’m being honest with myself, what do I sometimes do that has a negative impact on others?
  • What habit or skill am I committed to improving?
  • What belief or action must I change now so that I improve my interactions with others?